FOXY POXY

Naked people. Occasional cats and ponies. Frequent sarcasm. A few unpopular opinions.

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Sometimes I write about our sex life but end up deleting them before posting. I want to tell the world, but at the same time I know that they’re not my secrets or stories to share, and that revealing too much would make me feel like a traitor. Please do know, Pixie, that I’ve had so many songs in my head and poems in my drafts but they’re never good enough. I obviously think that you’re a good fuck but putting it like that feels so wrong, a disgrace. You’re not “a good fuck”. You touch my soul. You’re the only person that I let touch my soul. I’m sorry that it has taken so long. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your love.

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Tagged: words
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salt-silver-oxygen asked: Do you think that after finding a steady relationship you masturbate less than before? I'm single and just wondering whether being in a relationship makes people masturbate less. Would you ever masturbate in front of your wife? Do you do it together?

You’re asking the wrong person.

I masturbate perhaps once or twice a year and it’s always been like that. I only do it when I’m so horny that I’m feeling desperate and it still doesn’t feel good. Sometimes I can’t even do it although I’d want to. It’s kind of embarrassing to be 31 years old and not knowing how to get yourself off. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I struggle to articulate my thoughts and desires. I’m not trying to hide anything from my wife on purpose. Whenever she asks me what I’d like her to do to me I don’t have an answer because I don’t know what I want. If I don’t know how to touch myself how can I advise someone else? However, nowadays I feel like I don’t even have to. She knows me better than I do.

I’ve watched her masturbate and I love it. Sadly, I cannot return the favour.

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Anonymous asked: you had sex with a 14 year old ?

Yeah.

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Tagged: answers words in 1996...
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sinning-as-always asked: Your wife says you have the Charles Dance accent/voice. Do you agree?

I disagree. Everyone has their own unique voice. I find it hard to analyse mine because whenever I hear a recording of my own voice it sounds so strange and unfamiliar. I’ve had some people tell me that my voice doesn’t match my face, that it’s older and darker.

I grew up in North Kensington. No-one in my family spoke English so I got my accent elsewhere. I went to posh schools and had posh hobbies. And remember, this was the 1980’s so there wasn’t a lot of diversity e.g. when it came to newsreaders and their accents. Always RP. So I was mostly exposed to Standard English with received pronunciation. This might be a little difficult for foreigners to understand if they’re not familiar with the regional accent culture in the UK or which accents are traditionally thought to carry more prestige etc. The funny thing is, my accent in Finnish is ridiculous. I’ve been told that I sound like an Estonian pimp or like the guy who might steal your bike. Disclaimer: I’m not saying Estonians are criminals. This is only what I’ve been told by Pixie’s family and friends.

As I was trying to compare my accent with Charles Dance’s I found this.

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selfishsnobishmusiclover asked: Back in the days before you met Pixie, the women you slept with, did you choose them by their personality only. I'm asking because now I'm looking for meaningless sex, but I actually can't sleep with whose intelectuel level/personality doesn't suit me. Did you ever feel something like this?

I always chose them by their looks (although I think that the word “choose” is misleading here) because I didn’t know any of them well enough to use any other criteria. I never dated anyone or had sex with anyone more than once, for that matter. If possible, I tried to pick women that I most likely would never have to meet again. I also tried to avoid women who seemed somehow crazy, whatever that means. If I’d get that gut feeling that this person was going to be trouble I didn’t have sex with her.

You could say that my sex life used to be emotionally meaningless, impersonal, throwaway. For me sexual intercourse was never more intimate than how most people feel about masturbation.

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I’m as good at flirting as Edward Scissorhands is at performing a pelvic exam. I’m sorry.

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Whenever my wife decides to cook it’s like I’m her father and she’s my pre-school daughter and I’m keeping her company while she playing in the sandpit. She’s got her little plastic bucket and her little plastic shovel & rake, and above all, she’s very excited. She doesn’t want any help although I could tell her that her sand cake will collapse unless she adds a little water. She picks leaves and grass and puts them in the bucket. Pours mud on top and stirs. It still needs a hint of sand, apparently. Then she passes it to me along with a plastic spoon and I have to ask what it is because I genuinely can’t tell and because I want to know what she thinks she’s cooked (just how delusional is she). “Is it soup?” I ask - carefully, because I don’t want her to start crying. She tells me it’s a salad. Of course. Lovely. Then I take the spoon and pretend to eat it and say “yum yum, it’s good”. But it’s not enough for her. She wants me to eat it for real. BITCH, I CAN’T! YOU DIDN’T EVEN WASH THE LETTUCE. THE FROZEN CORN WAS STILL FROZEN. SOME OF THE SHRIMP STILL HAD THEIR LEGS ATTACHED. The cucumber was neatly sliced though so thanks for that.

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Tagged: words perfect why am i married to a crazy chick
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apiecealisa asked: Do the drugs you're taking keep you up all night? (I so wanted to they out a little Daft Punk there for a minute) Any way to change up the schedule a bit? Too personal? Feel free to tell me to fuck off!

I’ve been awake for 32 hours now. The drugs don’t keep me up, they just don’t work. My plan is to stay awake until the sunset and then go to bed like normal living people. If I still can’t sleep I will resort to propofol and die like Michael Jackson.

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Tagged: answers words
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I’m turning into a vampire. A drug addict vampire.

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image

This is bullshit. I despise these “educational” posters that try to tell you how to have sex and I’m worried about how many people seem to have no criticism when it comes to these posts.

Learn the anatomy. Yes, please do.

Master the motion. Maybe I’m wrong but I think that most women don’t enjoy what is illustrated here or at least it’s not their favourite. I’ve had my fingers up more than 200 vaginas for purely recreational purposes and no-one’s ever asked me to do this. No-one’s ever “squirted” like a porn actress (the majority of whom, by the way, are actually faking it by drinking lots of water in advance). Master the motion and practise the technique your partner finds enjoyable. If this turns out to be it, cool.

It’s the most intense orgasm a woman can have. Says who? All women? Nah. Porn actresses? Maybe, but they get paid. Porn industry? Or the people who watch porn and think that because it looks intense it must therefore feel good? Why has squirting become so important? Is it because men can’t tell if their partners have had an orgasm so they want them to squirt to “prove it”? All I know is that this kind of misinformation irritates me. A random poster telling you how your body should react and that if you haven’t experienced this you’re incomplete or missing out is not sexual liberation or anything worth promoting. It’s slavery.

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Sign language rant vol. 2

I get so many questions concerning my language background and forgive me, but some of them are frustratingly stupid. Here’s my second (and hopefully last) sign language rant.

Sign languages are not gestures for spoken languages. For example, BSL (the British Sign Language) is not signed English. Sign languages are distinct cultural languages. Most of them have nothing to do with the underlying spoken language that is used in that area. Sign languages are not international. Sign language does not equal fingerspelling. Not all signers know spoken languages. Not all signers can lip read. Not all signers are deaf.

Fingerspelling is used for names but people can also have name signs that follow certain cultural rules varying from country to country. The name is always given to you and agreed by you and the people in the deaf community. You only get a name sign if they think you deserve it because you’re part of the community. Until that, your name is fingerspelled. I used to have a name sign.

My Welsh father was deaf which makes me a child of a deaf adult (also known as CODA). His native language was BSL. My mother was German and her native language was German. They communicated with each other in bad English, bad BSL and angry scowls. So, my language background is a bit unusual. I grew up using both BSL and German and I didn’t really speak English until I went to nursery school at the age of 5. I stopped talking to my mother almost completely at the age of 8, refused to speak German and therefore gradually lost my German language skills.

English didn’t take over because I have a twin brother. We’ve always been very close and BSL was our “secret language”. When we were children our best friend was our cousin who is deaf so that’s the language we used. As a CODA I often had to serve as an interpreter between my father and hearing people whether it was everyday communication with our neighbours or say, a doctor’s appointment. I think it was simply wrong and reprehensable because I was often thrown in the middle of adult conversations. It’s not a place for a child.

I consider BSL my first language. I don’t get to use it very often these days but it still dominates my thinking. Sometimes I almost wish that I could just forget it and wash it off because the need to “speak with my hands” is often very strong. I can replace spoken words with body language and gestures without necessarily noticing it myself. I’m simplifying here, but sign languages use a different “word order” (topic-comment structure) compared to many spoken languages, and BSL is an oddball even amongst sign languages because it also uses OSV (object-subject-verb, Yoda’s syntax). To make things even more complicated, I am a left-handed writer and a left-handed signer. It means that I use my left hand as my dominant/primary hand even when signing, as does my brother.

My BSL is getting rusty and it’s depressing. I’ve lost contact with my cousins and I’m not part of the community anymore. I don’t speak English as well as I’d like to either. I’m not bilingual. I’m semilingual or somehow linguistically paralysed and lonely. Now you can understand why I say that I always think before I speak. Some people misinterpret those few seconds of silence as arrogance which doesn’t make it any easier for me.

I feel like the only person who understands me completely is my twin. Pixie and my best friend understand me too, but that’s because they know that I need time. They are patient. They are lovely.

By the way, if you see people using sign language it’s better to not automatically assume that they’re not hearing. “Look! Deaf twins! Oh my God!” (Yes, this has happened.) Also, don’t cover your mouth with your hand if you want to gossip because they will know that you’re talking about them and it’s insulting. Why else would you try to prevent someone from lip-reading. If you’re talking to someone and notice that they’re wearing a hearing aid, don’t start yelling. You don’t have to, because they’re wearing a hearing aid. In case they still can’t hear you they will politely ask you to speak up.

Here’s a picture of a cute cat.

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Tagged: words sign language
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Anonymous asked: How do you feel about the men's rights movement?

HAH HAH.

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Anonymous asked: Not judging you or anything.. just trying to understand. How can you cook and eat horse tenderloin when you also ride them and give them long hugs when you're feeling ill?

I wouldn’t perhaps eat this particular horse that I’m fond of because he’s like my friend or something. Otherwise I don’t see a contradiction here. I think cows are very cute but I still eat them. I enjoy watching fish swim but I still eat them. I can eat cute animals without feeling guilty. I could eat cat, too, and I love cats.

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Anonymous asked: Are you capable to recitate without errors the poem "The Chaos"? Did you ever had STD?

I tried and got surprisingly far. I’ve never had an STD. I had never had sex without a condom before I met Pixie.

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Tagged: answers words