Naked people. Occasional cats and ponies. Frequent sarcasm. A few unpopular opinions.

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Anonymous said: Do you - or have you - ever used class A drugs?

I have, yeah.

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Tagged: answers words
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justasmallcorner said: Hello from Canada! :) Do you ever feed your kitties table scraps?

The kitties don’t live with us anymore. They live with my friend and his boyfriend.


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So Pixie broke her favourite vibrator by throwing it on the floor. She blamed me so I offered to buy her a new one as a drachenfutter. I told her I’d order one online but then I forgot about it. She was sexting me earlier today and I think she assumes that the vibrator is going to be here and that we’re going to have a party. She’s going to be so pissed off. It’s like that one time when I forgot to buy tampons but even worse. It’s a vagina emergency and I’m screwed.

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Sometimes I think that Gary and I are weird. But it doesn’t feel weird, it feels right. It’s the way we’ve always been. Sadly, soon it’s not going to be like that anymore. Knowing this has already punched a hole in my heart that is bleeding. I can already feel the emptiness, and it hurts. I told him yesterday that I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. He said that he doesn’t know what he’s going to do without me. And then we just stared at each other. Like there’s a bomb between us about to go off and there’s nothing we can do about it. Pixie is my love but so is he, even if it’s unhealthy or fucked up or whatever.

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My best friend is spending the night with me. Yay, sleepover. He’s cooking. I love my Bambi.

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Anonymous said: What are some of your favorite things to do that help you unwind or relieve stress?

I don’t get stressed out that often but when I do I focus on solving the problem instead of distracting myself with something else. I don’t think I can unwind when I’m stressed out.

Drugs? Drugs are nice.

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I’m happy that my mother is dead. I saw a woman who looked like her and for that split second I just wanted to grab her head and smash it against the side of the bus stop, then jump and stomp on it until there was nothing left. But blood and pieces of skull. If I knew that she was alive somewhere I don’t know how I could resist the temptation to burn her alive after chopping her limbs off one by one. The only thing she ever did that made me happy was dying. I hope it was slow, painful and dehumanising.

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strangleholdclimax:

I don’t cook or bake but I just made macaron batter. You know why? Because Foxy took the macarons he baked yesterday to work but there weren’t enough for everyone. Now he needs to make more but he’s allergic to nuts, almonds included. He had a minor asthma attack yesterday after baking and today when I came home from work his arms and his jaw and neck were covered in rash. He even texted me and asked me to bring latex gloves from work. In the end I offered to mix the batter while he was yelling instructions from the living room. Then I cleaned every surface of the kitchen and hoovered the floor before I let him back in to pipe his macarons. Did he really expect that a pair of gloves would help? If Foxy was a batter he’d be some kind of magic sand with a pinch of moron. Gloves won’t save your life if you inhale fine deadly powder. I assumed that a person with a university degree would understand this but apparently I was wrong. If he really wanted to work in his little nut factory and stay alive he’d have to cook in an RV parked outside and wear a Breaking Bad style chemical protection overalls. That would suit him because he seems to be trailer park stupid.

image

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From   strangleholdclimax
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Macarons

foxylikestoeat:

Filled with ganache, lemon curd & vanilla cream cheese, mango jam & vanilla cream cheese. They’re not all equal in size but this is the first time I ever made these.

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I’m very proud of my macarons. I was told that they were delicious. (I can’t eat them myself.) ^__^

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From   foxylikestoeat
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I think Gordon Ramsey is a lovely person.

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Anonymous said: Do you think there are differences between vaginas when it comes to tightness? I'm worried about mine.

You need to stop pretending to be a different person every time. The last time you messaged me you had a penis and before that you had a vagina. And, rather magically, now you have a vagina again. I haven’t blocked you because I was actually interested in seeing how many times you were going to do this. Please, if you want to be dishonest at least be more clever and cover your tracks. I am embarrassed for you.

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There’s something about Jo Brand that’s very very sexy.

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Anonymous said: Do you like having your picture taken?

No, it’s awful.

My best friend’s an exception. He’s been taking pictures of me for ten years (he’s a photographer) so I’m used to his photoshoots. He even has naked pictures of me, ha.

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http://yourmoansareasymphony.tumblr.com/post/95754169882/strangleholdclimax-i-thought-this-might-make

strangleholdclimax:

I thought this might make you hard.

Would read these to me? Bedtime story/foreplay?

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Anonymous said: Did you ever get the broken screw out of the wall?

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Tagged: answers words we don't talk about the screw so here's a lovely gif